I want to start by posing a tough question: Why do we expect to go to the people who hurt us to heal? Especially since some of us are really reinjuring ourselves by doing so.
It’s something many of us may not want to hear but it’s best to look for help elsewhere.
You can be in any relationship and experience hurt whether it’s a family relationship, a marital relationship, a sibling relationship or a friendship. Sometimes it just goes with the territory.
I’m not even saying that all people do this maliciously. We all make mistakes and that means that sometimes we hurt people.
Yes, at times we inflict pain intentionally, but a lot of times we do so unintentionally, or maybe unaware is a better word. The residue of that hurt – emotional pain – is real but here’s what we need to know: Oftentimes we reinjure ourselves, or we hurt ourselves again, because we’re going to the people who hurt us in order to get the help we think we need. Or sometimes we want to hear an apology. And let me tell you (I’ll scream it 10 times if I have to), that won’t work.
The people who have hurt you are often not capable of providing the healing that you need. They may be unaware or even uncensored about the pain that they have caused.
So here’s what you do. Acknowledge where you are and how it made you feel. Develop a process to create an environment of healing and you do the work associated with the healing.
And then determine if you will either go back and let that person know about their actions or if you’ll just choose to make an adjustment in how you deal with them. The choice belongs to you.
But I just want to remind you again that the people who often hurt us are often incapable of providing healing for us. It’s not an easy saying, but it’s one that if you receive it, it will surely make your life easier and, quite frankly, a little bit happier too.
As always….. this is Keisa Coach K and know that I am rooting for you in your health, healing and happiness and remember I’m always just an email or a phone call away.
Keisa Sharpe is a life coach, author and speaker. Her column appears each month online and in The Birmingham Times. You can contact Keisa at keisasharpe@yahoo.com and visit http://www.allsheanaturals.com for natural hair and body products
