BY JE’DON HOLLOWAY-TALLEY | Special to the Birmingham Times
JAMESHA ‘JOI MINER’ HENDERSON AND TAMESHA CURRY
Live: Downtown Birmingham and Roebuck
Married: Feb. 29, 2024
Met: October 2018, on Facebook. They have Joi’s ex to thank for bringing their algorithms together. Tamesha said she wasn’t Facebook friends with Joi initially, but that she used to follow their mutual ex, who would often share Joi’s posts.
“I was dating a girl [their mutual ex] who also used to date Joi, and I would see things about Joi through her page,” Tamesha said. Eventually, Tamesha started following Joi herself, “because she was posting a lot of positive things and I needed that in my life at that time.”
Joi said she pays close attention to who interacts with her posts and that was how Tamesha caught her attention. “For six months this woman [Tamesha], was hearting [liking] all my posts, but never said a word to me,” Joi laughed, “and finally, I in-boxed her and said ‘stop liking all my [expletive] and let’s go to dinner.’”
Tamesha was shocked. “I thought she was playing. I never thought she would reach out to me because I’d never said anything to her,” she recalled.
Once mutual interest was confirmed, Joi had an important question — “How do you know my ex?” Joi asked, “because I didn’t need any more crazy in my life.” Tamesha was honest, “and that’s what I love about T, she’s going to be honest even if it’s going to get her feelings hurt or get her cussed out,” Joi said.
The pair exchanged numbers and talked on the phone for two weeks before arranging to meet in person.
First date: Mid-October at East Lake Park. Joi recalls heading back into town from an obligation but wanted to surprise Tamesha with a gift.
“I stopped at the Walmart on Roebuck Parkway and got her a dozen roses,” Joi said. “And when she saw them she smiled because most masculine-presenting lesbians don’t receive roses. I opened doors and everything for her. Looks can be deceiving [in same sex relationships] because although I present as feminine, I’m more dominant, and she’s actually more submissive. I make her blush. Our love gives her permission to exist in her femininity,” Joi said.
The pair recalled talking underneath a pavilion for a significant amount of time, when another couple approached, noticed their chemistry and asked us how long they’d been together.
“We told them it was our first date, and what’s funny is, Joi didn’t want a relationship [at the time], but that chemistry was there between us, and I instantly knew she may be the one,” said Tamesha.
Joi remembers walking away from the date feeling like she wanted more. “I was not looking for a relationship, but after we [parted ways], I didn’t like how I felt. I didn’t like not [sharing space] with her and it was going against everything I was telling myself that I wanted,” Joi said.
The turn: Nov. 1, 2018. At Joi’s house in Ensley. “I attempted to ask her to be my girlfriend on her birthday, which was the 31st of October, but she said no, ask me tomorrow,” Tamesha said.
“I told her she was not going to get a two for one with me! I said you are not going to be able to get me a present for my birthday and think it counts as an anniversary gift,” Joi laughed. “So, no, ask me tomorrow. And it’s crazy, because I was dating other people, I wasn’t trying to be in a relationship, but [Tamesha] broke all my rules. I had a 4-20 rule: I used to date people for four months or 20 weeks, whichever is longer, and from there I would decide if I wanted to be with them.”
Joi explained having to slow down courtship intentionally because, “lesbians live in dog years,” she laughed. “We get together, fall in love and bring a U-Haul on the second date, and I was trying to be a crockpot lesbian and slow-cook this thing. But here I was agreeing to a relationship in less than 30 days.”
The proposal: While Joi had proposed to Tamesha several times over the course of their four-year relationship, and kept “taking them back,” it wasn’t until the last time she popped the question that it stuck.
On April 16, 2021, at Joi’s apartment in downtown Birmingham, while making the spread for Tamesha’s birthday party, Joi proposed. She even asked Tamesha’s father for her hand in marriage.
“Tamesha had just gotten to my place and was standing in the living room talking to my daughter, Phoenix, [then 9] who knew all about [her mom’s plan to propose] and was more excited than me,” said Joi. “I had all the food going and went into my bedroom to get the ring and came back and got down on one knee behind her. And when Tamesha turned around, she saw me down there and her whole face said, ‘what the hell are you doing?’” Joi laughed, “but I asked her to marry me.”
“I’m pretty sure I asked Joi if she was sure, because I’m [a big proponent] of not rushing things and making sure this is what she wants,” Tamesha said. After all, Joi did “take back her proposal four times,” she laughed. “After Joi said she was sure, I said ‘yeah.’”
Although the ring was on Tamesha’s finger and the commitment to wed was solid, before Joi could follow through with her new marriage, she had to first dissolve her last one.
“I had been trying to divorce Phoenix’s father for seven years, and finally on my birthday, Oct. 31, 2023, a judge in Montgomery signed off on my divorce and that was the best birthday present ever,” Joi said. “And in the state of Alabama you have to wait 61 days to marry again; they call it the cooling off period.”
During the “cooling off period,” the couple played with a lot of dates, but eventually settled on Feb. 29, 2024, a nod at keeping their union light and fun. “It was a joke,” Joi said, “we said we’d only have to celebrate our anniversary every four years.”
The wedding: Joi and Tamesha had planned to wed at the Birmingham courthouse but could not because marriage ceremonies were no longer being held there. “You just print out the paperwork, take it to UPS and get it notarized, and then you take it to the courthouse and file it. There is no magistrate, no vows, nothing, and this was my third marriage, and the first and only one I did not get to exchange vows for,” Joi said. But, “third time’s the charm.”
Most memorable for Joi was, “the fact that we were actually married. Tamesha was the first person I married that I wanted to be married to. The first two times I got married for my kids. I was pregnant and wanted my children to be raised in a two-parent household, so when my children’s fathers proposed, I said, ‘yes.’ But this time my marriage is for me,” Joi said.
Most memorable for Tamesha was also the reality of being married. “It was the fact that it actually happened, and she was my wife now. That was a big thing for me because this is my first marriage,” Tamesha said.
Words of wisdom: The Henderson-Currys believe that healthy marriages are built on doing what works best for you, not following society’s traditions.
“We decided not to live together because Phoenix [now 13] has a life that’s already set, and so is mine,” Joi said. “[Living apart] gives us time to face-check [a term they use that refers to checking their emotions] ourselves, because when you’re in the same space it can aggravate things, but [living apart] feels like it’s new all the time. We still hang on the phone all the time. We are constantly dating. It works for us,” Joi said.
Tamesha said it’s all about “maintaining our individuality and respecting each other’s individuality. Having respect and understanding for each other and wanting what’s best for each other is what is best. You have to take yourself out of it and be unselfish in marriage,” she said.
Happily ever after: The Henderson-Currys are a blended family with two children from Joi’s previous marriages: Qadara Miner, 23, Phoenix Henderson, 13, and Tamesha’s fur babies, Rocket, Crimson, and Negan.
Joi, 43, is a Montgomery native who attended Booker T. Washington Magnet High School [Montgomery]. She is an ‘Author-prenuer, writer, and teaches writing classes for Intoto Creative Arts and the Alabama Prison Arts & Education Program.
Tamesha, 41, is a Talladega native, by way of Roebuck in Birmingham. She is a Huffman High School grad and works for the Grand Bohemian Hotel in Birmingham in laundry facility services.
“You Had Me at Hello’’ highlights married couples and the love that binds them. If you would like to be considered for a future “Hello’’ column, or know someone, please send nominations to Barnett Wright bwright@birminghamtimes.com. Include the couple’s name, contact number(s) and what makes their love story unique.
