When it comes to talking about or dealing with losses in our lives, it’s a topic that most of us are uncomfortable with and could easily gloss over. But, what if the lesson in it all is that the loss was one step shy of a win? And, what if you could re-evaluate up to that point to see how to make a better decision next time you’re faced with a similar decision?
As a life coach, it’s expected that I study decisions and consequences, pivots and pathways, and extract meaning out of the mundane. But when you suffer loss, I believe your self-reflection is one of the most powerful assets you can possess.
In my coaching business, I have witnessed that one of the toughest things for people to do is to look through the lens of loss because of an emotion many would rather avoid – pain. But I want to challenge you to gain a new perspective on it. And no, I’m not going to ask you to count to 10 and will it all away.
Pain sucks and the self-inflicted wounds can sometimes last months, years and decades after the offense (whether self-inflicted or induced).
The perspective shift that I’m asking you to gain is to see it as a source of information regarding how not to go down that painful path again. Once you go back to the memory regarding the loss, go back to what led up to it.
Was it a missed opportunity or a premature move on your behalf? Did your passivity dominate the circumstances, or did you decide to dominate to the detriment of someone or something? And once you walk back through the memory, know that unresolved pain will surface again.
Feel the emotions, but rather than getting lost there, take another step and think forward toward your future. How would or should you react differently if faced with the same circumstances in the future? Lean into the experience by thinking through all scenarios. My friends this simple step is the beginning of re-writing your story of loss and turning it into a lesson.
You’re not just living in the emotion of pain, but by pressing through it and re-evaluating how to create better outcomes, you’re allowing your past mistake to create a more profitable future for you and those who’ll be affected by your decisions. That’s the simple message. Re-write your future, by revisiting your past.
As always, know I’m cheering for you.
Keisa Sharpe is a life coach, author and speaker. Her column appears each month online and in The Birmingham Times. You can contact Keisa at keisasharpe@yahoo.com.
