by Hollis Wormsby, Jr.
Change in Values Greatest Change in My Lifetime
As I approach my 58th birthday and I look back on life, I realize that the biggest and worst change I have seen in my lifetime is a change in the core values of our community. I was born in a time when people took pride in their community, beginning with their own home and then extending to the community in general.
As a young child in my parent’s home on Saturday morning we had bleach parties. My mother would fill up buckets with hot water and bleach and send us off to clean various parts of the house. In those days cleaning the house literally meant washing the walls with a rag and warm water. Outside could be heard the sound of yards being cleaned and cars being washed. Everybody wanted to have the sharpest yard and the cleanest car. My grandfather would often say to us as he encouraged us to do our jobs well, that it isn’t what you have, it is how you take care of it. The household that was not run like this was the exception – not the rule.
I did not grow up in a neighborhood full of garbage. As children we were taught never to litter, and if an older person saw you litter they had the right to tell you to pick up whatever you dropped and if you didn’t they knew how to call your parents and tell them both that you littered and you wouldn’t listen, and my older readers know what came next.
When I was a child adults didn’t care what I wanted, or for the most part how I felt. The adults in my life felt it was their job to teach me how to be an adult, and if that meant I did not like them so be it, but I knew not to even consider being disrespectful. And my older readers know well why.
The Priest who runs Holy Family told me during an interview that the biggest change he had seen in his lifetime, was that fathers now wanted to be friends with their children. And he added it is quite probable that you cannot be friend and an effective father at the same time. My grandfather used to say to his children when they were raising their children, “Your children have lots of friends, what they need from you is to be parents.”
Many people would have you believe that teaching youth respect for authority and discipline is just making punks out of them. But most of the people who tell me this are not doing anything productive themselves.
At some point you have to decide what values you want to live by, and what behaviors you find acceptable in your life and your community. Some would have you believe that things have always and will always be the way they are, and that there is nothing we can do about it. This is simply not true.
We are a people strong enough to have endured slavery and Jim Crow, and to still be strong enough to lead what many believe to be the greatest civil rights insurrection in the history of the world. We are a people who have shown pride and strength of character. We may have a bad element in our community, but they are not our community.
One thing I have learned over time in wanting to be a voice of change in the community, you cannot attack people, you have to attack behaviors. We have to establish that there are behaviors we are not going to accept in our community, no matter who the perpetrator. We have to establish that there are values that we treasure and demand be respected in our communities, and establish that there is no place some behaviors will be accepted, and literally drive away those who refuse to change their negative behavior when confronted.
It is true that some people are never taught better. We also have to change that through mentoring and outreach programs. But even with this group we have to demand immediate change in behavior or suffer the consequence, and again at some point the consequence must become if you are going to live like that, you can’t live here.
Or at least that’s the way I see it.
